The Trickster God
by Kyrial Halcoryn
Summary: Never, ever trust cats. Especially if they're pink, psychic, happen to be called Mew and turn up in the TARDIS with an offer for you...
1. Chapter 1: Both

This is an idea I've had for a while.  
It might take a while to update due to my other fanfictions and the exams I'm currently taking.  
Read, review, enjoy!

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The Doctor was, currently, fairly tired. The TARDIS was in orbit around one of the smaller stars in the Andromeda galaxy, and currently there wasn't anything to do on board; no Cybermen attempting to break into the TARDIS, or any other variety of disaster. It was quite an event, actually.

As a result, he was currently attempting to get some sleep in the first bedroom when the TARDIS started to hum, the noise gently rising to alert him to something.

"What?" he asked, groggily.

_We have a visitor arriving in about five minutes, _the TARDIS said gently.

"What?!!" The Doctor was now fully awake. "In here?"

_Where else? _she responded tartly. _It's not like there's any kind of atmosphere outside…_

"In here? As in, the bedroom, or the console room, or what?" he asked, struggling to pull on a pair of blue suit trousers.

_In the console room. Four minutes._

"And how exactly is this mysterious 'visitor' going to get in here?"

_Teleportation, of course. What did you expect?_

"Great," he muttered. "Another person with a vortex manipulator. Just what I needed… I was about to go to sleep! I _need_ to sleep!" He paused in the process of putting on the shirt. "Where's my suit jacket?"

_Back of the cupboard,_ came the reply, amused. _Two point five minutes._

The jacket was promptly removed, as the Doctor put in on, and checked his reflection. "All fine. Right." _Now for this 'visitor'. _He opened the door, then realised he'd left his screwdriver on the bed, and replaced it in his pocket.

_One minute now, _she sang.

The Doctor sprinted for the door, and down the corridor to the console room, flinging the door open dramatically.

There was no-one there. He pouted, then sat down on an office swivel chair, waiting for the mysterious visitor to turn up.

_Five, four, three, two, one…_

Suddenly a pink feline appeared, floating in front of the Doctor. It waved. _"Hi! I did get the right place? You're the Doctor, right?"_

He groaned. "What exactly would Mew be doing in my TARDIS?"

The creature looked surprised. _"I'm not welcome here? Hang on, how do you know my name?"_

"Even if I've never been to your planet, that doesn't mean I'm ignorant of it. There _is _such a thing as the Hitchhiker's Guide, after all. What do you want?" The Doctor folded his arms, and leaned back on his chair.

Gently, Mew settled to the ground. _"You have no idea how tiring it is being the god of mischief," _she complained. _"Well… goddess. Whatever."_

"You want a break?" the Doctor asked, realising where this was going.

"_All those years, and mischief-making starts to take its toll. It gets boring. I figured you'd probably understand." _She flicked her tail in emphasis. _"I was hoping you might want to take my place."_

"How long?" he asked, suspiciously.

"_Oh, just a week," _Mew replied innocently.

The Time Lord had seen too much distortion of time and space to take this at face value. "For me or you?"

"_Both, of course. What would you expect of me?" _asked Mew, pretending to be personally wounded.

The Doctor snorted. "Given your reputation…" He trailed off. "What exactly _are _your duties anyway?"

"_Chief mischief-maker. You know how it is… making sure life in the Halls of Origin stays interesting, sorting out reborns… that sort of thing." _She shrugged.

"And no-one's going to notice that a 1'4" pink kitten has been replaced by a 6'1" humanoid creature?" he asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"_Probably not. They'd just think it was another of my pranks. Yes or no?"_

The Doctor hesitated. It was tempting, actually, all the more so since he'd never visited that particular planet. He didn't even know its location, unfortunately, due to the fact that it tended to move rather more than most planets did. It suffered a lot of 'legendary' events, legendary in this case being literal.

"Okay. But you'll have to show me where it is right now."

"_Sure!"_ Mew did a backflip in midair, and flew over to the console as the Doctor followed on his swivel chair. She hovered over a button. _"What happens if I push this?"_

"You know what they say about pushing big red buttons?"

"_No."_

"You know what they say about curiosity and the cat, then?"

"_Actually, they say that about curiosity and the __**Espeon**__, but never mind." _The creature shut her eyes for a second, as a blue aura focused around her and the humming in the TARDIS intensified. Mew opened her eyes as the aura and humming faded. _"There, done,"_ she said, satisfied.

"Wow. Psychic coordinates transfer, I'm guessing? Right!" He pulled a lever down fully, then his fingers danced over the console too fast for even Mew to make out. "You might want to hold onto something," he added, just before pressing the big red button. The Doctor grabbed the railing as the noise changed to a rising and falling wheezing noise.

"_Why?" _asked Mew, just as the TARDIS started to shake and she was knocked flying by the office chair. She was just about to hit the wall when the Doctor caught her by the tail.

"_Ow…" _A shower of jelly babies passed inexplicably overhead. Mew focused, and telekinetically caught a few, pulling them over towards her and eating them. _"Ah… sugar… much better."_

The TARDIS stopped shaking, and went quiet as the Doctor let go of Mew, who fell a foot before regaining a grip on her levitation again. _"So where are we?"_

He shrugged. "You programmed the coordinates, I assumed you know where this place is." He looked at the console screen. "Looks like an island of some sort. Uninhabited, given the lack of pollution, I'd say."

"_Let me see?" _Mew floated over to the console to see the familiar scenery of Faraway Island on the console. _"Yep, that's the right place."_

"Excellent!" The Doctor yanked open the door to let bright sunlight into the TARDIS. "Is this where you usually live?"

"_Yes," _replied Mew, leaving the TARDIS. _"Why?"_

"It's beautiful," he replied absentmindedly, as the scent of Lum flowers wafted to him with the sea breeze. "Reminds me of my garden. When I had a garden, that is. When I had a home…"

Mew touched his shoulder gently. _"I'm sorry. I would share your pain with you if I could, but your mind…"_

The Doctor looked back at her oddly. "It's probably best that you don't do that." He sighed. "Although I don't quite see where exactly I'm supposed to spread mischief _to,_ though. There isn't anyone around."

"_Arceus'll ask for me soon enough. Round about the time when Dialga finds out about what happened to all her clocks," _said Mew, perching on his shoulder.

"Where were you planning to go to?"

"_Oh… anywhere. Somewhere or other, maybe a different planet or three." _Mew shrugged. _"Does it matter?"_

"Not really." His eyes narrowed. "What _does_ matter is how you're planning to pass _me_ off as _you._"

Mew smirked. _"Like this." _Her paws started to glow an intense crimson colour, as she laid them on the Doctor's shoulder.

"Wait, what are you doing?!!" he asked, just as the small pink feline slumped on his shoulder and fell to the ground, as the Doctor blacked out.

* * *

Mew was first to recover, mainly because she'd expected the effects of the Heart Swap she'd used, and got up, sprinting for the door of the TARDIS and diving inside.

_Where to? _she mused, then spotted a button that said 'Randomiser'. Being Mew – despite current outward appearances – she pressed it.

This would be fun.

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	2. Chapter 2: Theta

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Second chapter now up. Go on... read and review. You know you want to.

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I regained consciousness, and immediately knew something was wrong. Extremely wrong, in this instance. My sense of balance was off, I currently had various appendages I hadn't had prior to this, I currently _lacked_ a certain appendage I _had_ had prior to this, and I could hear the familiar sound that meant that the TARDIS was leaving without me.

"Wait for me!"I yelled, getting up and trying to sprint to the TARDIS. I failed miserably at the first step, tripping up over my feet. _Remind me never to trust small pink_ _cat-like creatures ever again. Running off with the TARDIS…_ I looked down, noticing something pink. _Mew?_

They were my feet.

They looked ridiculously oversized.

_She effected a mind transfer. _And then,_ I really hope she's coming back. I mean, how am I supposed to walk around like this anyway?_

I checked my arms, which were currently also pink.

_This sucks. Oh well… it's only going to be for a week. If Mew keeps her promise, that is._

I picked myself up again, and decided to explore the island a little, since there didn't seem to be anything else to do right now. Unfortunately, I encountered the same problem with the feet. They were really starting to get on my nerves; who needed such big feet anyway?

After the second stumble, I gave up on walking, deciding to focus on levitation. It's not generally a skill that gets used a lot by most creatures, mainly due to the large amounts of energy it uses up. However, considering how much energy Mew (i.e. _moi_) had anyway, I'd probably be fine using it. The journey became much easier after that.

* * *

The island I was currently stranded on was fairly small, mainly grassy, with several palm-like trees, varying from being in full flower to bearing large green fruits. The sea surrounding the island was calm and undisturbed. _I guess this place hasn't been discovered by humans._

As I returned to the spot where the TARDIS had left, I noticed a small plinth with a crystal set on the top; it shimmered strangely as I approached it, then a 3-D hologram flickered into life, revealing a masked face with four green eyes, filling the projection. It quickly drew back, revealing that it belonged to a white horse-like creature in a vast-looking room. _Arceus… wow. I'm probably the first outsider to see her in any way. _

She turned to look at someone out of sight. "Mewtwo, did you get this thing to work, then?"

There was a sigh, then Mewtwo replied, _"Yes, yes, it should be fine, as long as you don't touch it before you're done. It's fixed now, and fully resistant to fire, water, ice, grass, psychic, dragon – "_

"Right, then." Arceus took a breath. "Mew, you idiot, when you get this, teleport to the Hall of Origin before I'm forced to haul your pink ass over here myself. You _know_ you're meant to – " There was a sizzling noise from out of sight, as the projection was filled with light and crackled. The last thing audible before the hologram terminated was a yelled, "DIALGA!"

"_End of message. To repeat this message, say 'repeat'. To save this message, say 'save'. To delete this message, say 'delete'."_

"Delete."_ New problem: how to get to the Hall of Origin. I'm guessing Mew probably teleported there… unfortunately. I _hate _teleportation, and I don't have any way to – wait, that was the Hall of Origin in the background?_ I reached for my sonic screwdriver, only to remember that I wasn't currently wearing my suit jacket. _If I had my sonic and a vortex manipulator, I could trace it and get there._

_Mew must have a better way of getting there._

I considered the possibility. _It's worth a try. _The only problem was _how_ exactly this ability was activated; without direct knowledge, I could be stuck on this island for quite a while.

I shut my eyes, focusing on the Hall of Origin, the vast, high-ceilinged, pillared room far away on another island…

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Short, but I wanted to get something of it up on Friday. I'm back writing it again, though! Please review.


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